See, people.

We all have our heart broken by people in the past be it our friends or family.

Some of us are not lucky enough to be in a perfect family. Some of us are not fortunate enough to be in the right relationship. Some of us are not blessed with great friends. All of us have that one moment in life where we are all trapped.

The trap whether to be loud or quiet, the trap whether to be an introvert or extrovert, the trap whether to express things or stay silent, not knowing how to react.

As positive people may know me, as positive they felt around me, as great as we might vibes together, for once in my life I was thankful that I believe that I have such a healthy mental. So healthy that if you go underneath my minds, you would go out as hippies. Filled with flowers and rainbows and unicorns and poems.

I was born in a society with multi-racial and multi religion. We, of course have different languages and different religions. 

And I am so thankful that I have a family that is so supportive and funny. Going to preschool, I asked my dad a lot of questions like “dad, why ghost is so hideous?” and my dad would have replied in the simplest answer ever while driving. “ghost is hideous because they don’t have a nose. So don’t be scared of ghost, they are lesser than ours”, Yet I like it. Means that I am already thinking when I was a kid. Oh my god people, I am so smart since I was a kid.

But once, I asked my dad, “dad, where is Allah?” and my dad replied “he is everywhere near you so you won’t be facing this life alone”. And I looked at my left and right shoulders in search of Allah. lol how funny.

Growing up, I realized, that what dad was saying is just to reply to a kid, to make her understand that there is god and He is always watching.

and i am thankful for that.

and i noticed that when you are grateful and thankful for every little things, that's when you unleashed yourself to be a better you and you maybe everyday is another great day of your life :)

all the traps you're in means nothing to you at all, one day :)

you just have to be thankful :)

When you’re a keeper, all you do is keep everything inside.

You’re mad, you didn’t tell anybody.

You’re sad, you cry alone.

You’re insecure; you have to swallow it all.

You’re worried, you anxious by yourself.

You have friends. You have best friends. You have your family. Somehow, it’s better to keep it all inside you. Your entire story remains a mystery.

Your pain, your sadness, your anger, your vulnerability, you hide it all only to show your happiness. How did you manage to keep it, you yourself is still figuring that out.

You believe that one day you’ll forget it. You believe that it’s not important at all. You believe that one day, there comes a time where you would open up to people. But you think it would take time.

You’re a mess in your own thoughts, in your own world, you create yourself.

You’re smart enough to keep it all inside.

To never post it in social media, to never reveal anything to anybody, it was always your traits. And you wonder where there comes a day someone ask you “are you okay?” and you would cry telling them all but that day may never arrive because you didn’t actually believed anyone.

You didn’t even believe yourself. You and I are the same.

Let’s put our poker face as if nothing happened because when you’re a keeper, revealing is still a bad idea. You’re not alone :)

How it feels like to change your identity?

To go to a place where nobody knows your past?

To go to a city whereby you alone, no ex-classmetes, no ex-batchmates knows you? 

Would you be you? 

Would you reveal what kind of person you used to be? 

How it feels like to act as nobody when you’re so active? 

How it feels like to shine when you used to have a low profile? 

How it feels like to be something you’re not used to? Would you fall? 

Would you rise? Would you stay the way you are?

Last question i wanted to ask,

Would you like you if you meet you?

I’m doing my assignment late at night right now and i couldn’t stand it because it was too much. Even though i did it earlier, still i think that it’s too much for a foundation student. Not that i blames the lecturer, but the desire to get a 4.00 is burning and it’s tempting that i couldn’t control it. I’m burdened by my own self. Tried so hard that I’m afraid I’ll get bored by it. I wanted to do the best. I wanted a full mark. I wanted an A+. I wanted to be successful but in every way. From the way i wrote in paper, from the way i present my task and from people’s point of view. I’m trying my best and i hope i won’t get tired of it.

DETERMINATION DETERMINES PEOPLE :)

How would you define happiness?

How? Like how?

For me, happiness is when you gather with your family. Happiness is when your brothers started to remind you when you were little you’re so spoiled that you get bullied by them. Happiness is when you’re having makeup tutorial with your sister. Happiness is when you get to disturb your younger sister’s sleep because she’s so sleepyhead genius. Happiness is when you still play outdoor activities with your siblings although they’re active and you can’t outrun them. Happiness is when you help your sister with the biology’s homework. Happiness is when you watch Running-man, you laugh. Happiness is when you sleep with a lot of pillow. Happiness is when you have your own computer. Happiness is when you found 50 bucks in you folded clothes that you don’t even remember you put it there. Happiness is when you eat like 50 ice creams but still don’t gain weight. Happiness is when you found out that you have lost 10 kg in a week (wtf fact is that). Happiness is when you asked your mom to give you 10 bucks; instead she gave you 100 bucks. Happiness is when you remembered something funny in the older days and you accidentally smiled and you bit back your lips just to hold your smile so that people won’t say that you’re crazy. Happiness is when you make your parents laugh. Happiness is when you have done your assignment. Happiness is when you dressed up and everything seems right. Happiness is when you draw black eyeliner and it’s symmetrical. Happiness is when you feel butterflies in your bellies flip-flopping. Happiness is when you won a race. Happiness is when you did a great job and prove people wrong. Happiness is when i wrote this, i smiled.

How would i define happiness?

Contentment, joy, cheerfulness, delight, glee.

How do i see happiness?

Family, friends, me ;)